There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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