I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
