Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
