My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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