if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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