if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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