At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
