its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
