Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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