Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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