And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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