i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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