I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
