is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
