What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
