David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
