no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
