I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
