My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize