It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
