It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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