hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
