i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize