I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
FUCK WHALES
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
