That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Are we still banned from the library?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
