who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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