Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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