But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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