You're so nebulous sometimes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
