Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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