playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
