I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
