Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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