This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
