It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The power of my boobs compel you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
