Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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