Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
