That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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