Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
