Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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