i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
