FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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