life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
