i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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