So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
