happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
