they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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