its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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