It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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