ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
