I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
kristin has been a bad kristin
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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