Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
