I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
