Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
