Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
