is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
