Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize