In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
